I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
