i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
