Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
