It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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