He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
