Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
