woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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