My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
