Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
