I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
