I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
