Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
