Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
