booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
