She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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