Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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