Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
