I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
