It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
