I feel like I'm in dance class right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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