weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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