Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
