Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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