I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
