So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
