I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
