ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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