Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
