i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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