come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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