The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
