i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she told me i tasted like america
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
