Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
