Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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