remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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