i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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