respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
