also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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