Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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