life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's shark week go big or go home
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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