Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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