I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
