Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
