looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
