I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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