yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
