I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
zippers are such a cool invention
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
