just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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