I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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