I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
