I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he thought i was a dude.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
