i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
