I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
