There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
