So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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